Awesome BOO HOO. Theatre on the Camden Fringe

Boo Hoo - written and performed by Judith Faultless at the Hen And Chickens Theatre, on the Camden Fringe, 2016 (16-8-16)

The Hen and Chickens is a very intimate theatre, perfectly formed for honesty and individualism; there is nowhere to hide. Judith Faultless doesn't even try to!

From her opening, “awkward”, pub scene she was never going to avoid the painful reality of modern life as a single woman. No spoilers, but even the harshest of moments lend themselves to gentle comedy with raucous laughs.

Just in case you might be worried, this is not a diatribe against the unfairness and judgmentalism of society and family. It is a wonderful affirmation of humanity, individual strength, becoming a mother, silly hats and Lego!

Hanging out her metaphorical washing line of nonchalance and passion, Judith races through the complications of coming to terms with age, expectation, failure and fear with a humour that is immediately engaging and heartfelt. The audience was not just drawn in  but became a part of her, sometimes, hysterical narrative and laughter was ever-present.

Except when it wasn't. There are moments that catch the audience both unaware and expectant all at once. Her honesty is at times uncomfortable but she never shies away from it.

Adoption is not an easy topic, especially with the stigma attached to anything bearing the “local authority” tag, but social workers and councillors come in for truckloads of comic… praise. And rightly so.

Throughout her performance, Judith  switches from certainty to insecurity with uncomfortable and totally believable ease. The mania that surrounds the life changing decision to adopt is sensitively dealt with, and extremely funny. Audience members were left in tears and hysterics.

Judith’s constantly self-deprecating, extremely funny insecurity is as much an indictment of the society in which we live as it is ultimately shown to be a comfort blanket with which she surrounds herself.

It's brilliant. So is Judith.

I don't do spoilers. Just go and see it!

Last show on Wednesday 17th August at 7.30pm at the Hen And Chickens Theatre.

Tickets available from: http://camdenfringe.com/show.php?acts_id=551

Go and see it. Seriously. GO!

How stupid is Donald Trump?

Donald Trump.

Now, wait. I'm not going into some rant about his latest fucknurdlery, or spin off into a diatribe about what a bunglecunt the man is, I just want to posit a theory.

Let's just say, for the sake of argument, that Donald Trump, Republican nominee, presumptive President of the United States (bear with me), isn't actually as stupid, racist or indeed rich as he makes out.

Let's start with wealth. Who's actually funding his campaign? He says he is, but this self-funding idea is a bit of a misnomer. He has certainly put money into his own campaign; money that has paid back his own interests (use of his own private jet, staying in his own hotels, that sort of thing); money given as a loan, therefore hardly a payment more of a savings plan. He'll pay himself back later out of party funds, presumably. (Fact check - http://www.politifact.com/truth-o-meter/statements/2016/feb/10/donald-trump/donald-trump-self-funding-his-campaign-sort/). There are also rumours that he has received money for his campaign from companies funded by Russian interests, and specifically billionaires linked to Putin. Now, I emphasise "rumours", as they are, as yet, unconfirmed. But since he appears to placing a lot of faith in rumours as part of his campaign policy it does seem fair to highlight them here. So, let's not even go down the Chinese route, right?

Is he a racist? Well, once upon a time we looked at an unethical, white misogynist banging on about a bloke called Khan as a bit of light relief (Captain James Tiberius Kirk, if anyone needs a hint). Now, he's running for president. The fact that he refuses to denounce supremacist groups of any persuasion and possibly even accepts funding from some of them (allegedly, not proved, no button pushing please), and that they all appear to be white could mean a surprising amount. Or nothing. I'm just putting it out there. In fact, he's only really being racist about Mexicans, the whole of South America, Central Asia, the Middle and the Far East and anyone who doesn't agree with him. Damn! The man is an equal opportunities racist! Is there no end to his evil?

But wait, there is the third facet to his character that I wish to discuss. And this is the one bit that makes me wonder. Is he really stupid?

Hillary Clinton - or as the Donald likes to call her, Killary, The Devil, the witch - is not exactly "clean". She's been party to some pretty heinous voting (Iraq, welfare), scandal (emails/husband) and decision-making over the years, along with all her other political colleagues at one time or another. But she has form in politics. She knows the political system. She understands global economics, finance, international issues, domestic issues, state and national legislation - you know, the basics!

Trump is reputed to have said something along the lines of "I won't need to know about any of that, I'll have people, real people, the best people. You know, the sort of people who people tell things to. They'll tell me about what's going on and I'll make the decision, the right decision, the best decision based on these great people's recommendations. Unless I don't want to. And then I won't. Because I'll be President and America will be great again. Greater. The best. Ever. No messing. It's true. Like, the real truth only better." I'm paraphrasing a little and punctuating.

Just recently, however, Trump's outbursts have become ever more grandiose, exaggerated, personal, vitriolic, violent, accusatory, vicious. Louder. So, here's where I reckon he's maybe not quite as stupid as he has presented himself to be.

Last year, when he announced his candidacy, people thought it was a joke. Well, the joke is on everyone. However, what if it wasn't supposed to go that way? What if he thought it might just be fun; spend some money, write it off against tax, be the big man in the limelight, make some waves, get people to notice him on the main world stage, make some money and more of a name for himself as a bit of a Vegas "player" and then disappear - or whatever "disappear" might actually mean to him? But he got caught up in something. Something even bigger than his own ego. And he liked it. He liked the attention. People weren't just listening to him in the boardroom, they were listening to him all over the world. And some of them were agreeing with him. And he REALLY liked that! And he got carried away; carried away on the spectacle, the emotion, the possibilities, the attention.

 Then, he wasn’t just a candidate. He was the Republican nominee. Amid all the lights and name calling, the belligerent battle cries against Muslims, Mexicans and Clintons, he was suddenly in a situation where he might genuinely become the President of the United States. And suddenly it got real. No games. No all night pool parties with senior diplomats. Shit just got serious and, rather than scared, I think Trump faced a realisation. He would not be a good President. He would, in fact, be the absolute worst kind of president. Not just nationally but internationally. And so he started to look for an exit strategy. The more ostentatious his remarks, the more violent and absurd his outbursts, the more dangerous his rhetoric would become, the less likely the rest of the nation would vote for him. Not stupid, see? Just trying to get out of something that had got too big and too real, but do it in a way that people now expect of him. Finally making himself unelectable by being even more of the person people think he is!

So, in conclusion, Trump may not actually be stupid. Well, he is, obviously, but he’s trying.

That’s the kind, sympathetic, it’s all for the greater good bit that this was all about.

In reality, he’s tapped into a vein of horror from which the world may struggle to recover. And if Trump is genuinely a stupid, rich, racist with a global megaphone, those who believe in him, support him and champion him are even scarier for wanting him to lead them.

But hey, my country just voted to leave Europe and is performing political cannibalism on itself. Go us, go US, go UK! Or just go to Canada. Please Justin, can I come in? I’ll be nice. Honest.

Could we, maybe, just be a bit nicer to each other?

Inspired by our irrepressibly noisome Parliament’s status of being anti everything the other lot says and Zac Goldsmith’s pathetic smear tactics in the Mayoral Election playground. WARNING, I wrote this so expect utopian ideals and generalisations.

How can we teach our children not to bully or be judgemental or hurtful, spiteful, rude, greedy, negligent, selfish, angry, suspicious or mean, when so much of our media, from magazine to broadcast and tabloid to social media, is given to reporting exactly that so often it has become normal? The leaders and politicians we should be able to look to for guidance and direction no longer see good, just what they can attack. (e.g. Labour agreeing with the Government on staying in the EU, but refusing to say they actually think the government is right about that, rather they just attack the methods and procedures. Just say you agree with the premise but not the detail. Start from a positive then debate the rest!)

In the face of all that, how do we teach our children tolerance and understanding, inclusion and openness and give them a chance for empathy, friendship and awareness of others and their surroundings? This is not some liberalist battle cry (God forbid, it would be more of a meek murmur!) but instead a reason for globalisation; true globalisation – not the bastardised, purely capitalist “let’s just create a market and shit on anyone who disagrees while fleecing them for every penny and destroying cultures and people because they aren’t financially valuable enough to keep” movement that it has been. It should be an opportunity for people all over the world to see each other as people, not as an ideology to be feared and bombed or a policy to be bitterly fought just because it came from someone wearing a red tie not a blue one.

Why has it even got that far? For true globalisation everyone needs to behave in a decent manner, not like a greed-driven robot.  But then, I’m one of those wishy washy, meritocratic, liberal-champagne-socialists who likes trees and wine and people and the environment.

Is it too much, then, to ask that we stop trying to fight everything?

Wouldn't it be interesting if, for just one day, the whole world just stopped fighting, had a cup of tea and got to know each other? Yeah, the utopian ideal. Nah, fuck it, let’s just bomb the shit out of everything. 

Because that’s worked so well up to now.

We have so much to be proud of and there is so much good being done all over the world. Let’s promote that for a change. And not simply because a celebrity is running a million miles on a hamster wheel, smearing themselves in palm oil and drinking carbonated Amazon water - laudable and applaudable, though that is - but because people do good stuff all the time!

I’m off to walk in the grass and hug trees. Or drink a lot of wine. Maybe both. But I’m not going to rip someone’s heart out through their eyes because they don’t agree with the way I wear my hat. My shoes, on the other hand, well now, that's a different story!

Scum and cream both rise to the top. You just need to work out how to skim. Even scum can fertilise.