How stupid is Donald Trump?

Donald Trump.

Now, wait. I'm not going into some rant about his latest fucknurdlery, or spin off into a diatribe about what a bunglecunt the man is, I just want to posit a theory.

Let's just say, for the sake of argument, that Donald Trump, Republican nominee, presumptive President of the United States (bear with me), isn't actually as stupid, racist or indeed rich as he makes out.

Let's start with wealth. Who's actually funding his campaign? He says he is, but this self-funding idea is a bit of a misnomer. He has certainly put money into his own campaign; money that has paid back his own interests (use of his own private jet, staying in his own hotels, that sort of thing); money given as a loan, therefore hardly a payment more of a savings plan. He'll pay himself back later out of party funds, presumably. (Fact check - http://www.politifact.com/truth-o-meter/statements/2016/feb/10/donald-trump/donald-trump-self-funding-his-campaign-sort/). There are also rumours that he has received money for his campaign from companies funded by Russian interests, and specifically billionaires linked to Putin. Now, I emphasise "rumours", as they are, as yet, unconfirmed. But since he appears to placing a lot of faith in rumours as part of his campaign policy it does seem fair to highlight them here. So, let's not even go down the Chinese route, right?

Is he a racist? Well, once upon a time we looked at an unethical, white misogynist banging on about a bloke called Khan as a bit of light relief (Captain James Tiberius Kirk, if anyone needs a hint). Now, he's running for president. The fact that he refuses to denounce supremacist groups of any persuasion and possibly even accepts funding from some of them (allegedly, not proved, no button pushing please), and that they all appear to be white could mean a surprising amount. Or nothing. I'm just putting it out there. In fact, he's only really being racist about Mexicans, the whole of South America, Central Asia, the Middle and the Far East and anyone who doesn't agree with him. Damn! The man is an equal opportunities racist! Is there no end to his evil?

But wait, there is the third facet to his character that I wish to discuss. And this is the one bit that makes me wonder. Is he really stupid?

Hillary Clinton - or as the Donald likes to call her, Killary, The Devil, the witch - is not exactly "clean". She's been party to some pretty heinous voting (Iraq, welfare), scandal (emails/husband) and decision-making over the years, along with all her other political colleagues at one time or another. But she has form in politics. She knows the political system. She understands global economics, finance, international issues, domestic issues, state and national legislation - you know, the basics!

Trump is reputed to have said something along the lines of "I won't need to know about any of that, I'll have people, real people, the best people. You know, the sort of people who people tell things to. They'll tell me about what's going on and I'll make the decision, the right decision, the best decision based on these great people's recommendations. Unless I don't want to. And then I won't. Because I'll be President and America will be great again. Greater. The best. Ever. No messing. It's true. Like, the real truth only better." I'm paraphrasing a little and punctuating.

Just recently, however, Trump's outbursts have become ever more grandiose, exaggerated, personal, vitriolic, violent, accusatory, vicious. Louder. So, here's where I reckon he's maybe not quite as stupid as he has presented himself to be.

Last year, when he announced his candidacy, people thought it was a joke. Well, the joke is on everyone. However, what if it wasn't supposed to go that way? What if he thought it might just be fun; spend some money, write it off against tax, be the big man in the limelight, make some waves, get people to notice him on the main world stage, make some money and more of a name for himself as a bit of a Vegas "player" and then disappear - or whatever "disappear" might actually mean to him? But he got caught up in something. Something even bigger than his own ego. And he liked it. He liked the attention. People weren't just listening to him in the boardroom, they were listening to him all over the world. And some of them were agreeing with him. And he REALLY liked that! And he got carried away; carried away on the spectacle, the emotion, the possibilities, the attention.

 Then, he wasn’t just a candidate. He was the Republican nominee. Amid all the lights and name calling, the belligerent battle cries against Muslims, Mexicans and Clintons, he was suddenly in a situation where he might genuinely become the President of the United States. And suddenly it got real. No games. No all night pool parties with senior diplomats. Shit just got serious and, rather than scared, I think Trump faced a realisation. He would not be a good President. He would, in fact, be the absolute worst kind of president. Not just nationally but internationally. And so he started to look for an exit strategy. The more ostentatious his remarks, the more violent and absurd his outbursts, the more dangerous his rhetoric would become, the less likely the rest of the nation would vote for him. Not stupid, see? Just trying to get out of something that had got too big and too real, but do it in a way that people now expect of him. Finally making himself unelectable by being even more of the person people think he is!

So, in conclusion, Trump may not actually be stupid. Well, he is, obviously, but he’s trying.

That’s the kind, sympathetic, it’s all for the greater good bit that this was all about.

In reality, he’s tapped into a vein of horror from which the world may struggle to recover. And if Trump is genuinely a stupid, rich, racist with a global megaphone, those who believe in him, support him and champion him are even scarier for wanting him to lead them.

But hey, my country just voted to leave Europe and is performing political cannibalism on itself. Go us, go US, go UK! Or just go to Canada. Please Justin, can I come in? I’ll be nice. Honest.